Saying Yes

I don't know that I've ever told God, "No."

I've objected, like Moses.  I've given Him reasons and excuses, told Him I didn't want to do what He wanted of me.  I've tried to bargain with God, promising Him things He didn't ask for in order to get out of what He did ask for.  I've resisted.  I've sometimes been slow in responding.  But reviewing my life after forty years of serving Him, I think I'm safe in saying I've never outright said, "No."

Because I learned early on that it was much easier, and much better for me, if I just said, "Yes."

Eighteen years ago, I was in a bad way.  Certain circumstances in my life had soured, and I was looking for a way out.  In fact, as I sought counsel from friends and family, from mentors and peers, I universally received the answer I was looking for.  "Get out," they all said.  "We'll help you in every way that we can, but get out!"  That was the easy route, the way to get maximum relief with minimum effort.  I was ready.  I drew the proverbial line in the sand.  I declared, this far and no farther!  I prepared myself in every way that I could, bracing for the impact of my decision.  And then God spoke.

I was in my devotions one day, reading the Scriptures and praying.  To be honest, I've forgotten what passage it was, but I think it was in the Psalms somewhere.  Perhaps it was just the Word I needed for that particular day, and I didn't have to go back later to remind myself.  I knew what God had said.  I fell on my knees under my desk and cried out to God to confirm in my heart what my eyes had just read.  And the voice I was so familiar with, which I had heard and whose command I had followed on many occasions before, gave me the answer I didn't want to hear.  "Stay," He said.  "You can't leave."

So against all advice, I steeled myself against what was to come.  I made one phone call to the person I trusted most in the world and asked them to pray with me.  I believed if just one person would agree with me in prayer, my circumstances would change, my conflict would be resolved, everything in my life would be right once more.  And I stayed.  I said, "Yes," to the Lord.

Can I tell you, my circumstances didn't change.  The conflict was not resolved.  Mostly it retreated to a place of quiet contention that I accepted as part of God's will for my life.  I lived in my situation for eight more years before God moved in a way to finally deliver me out of Egypt.  And when it was all over, I asked the Lord, "What was that about?  Why didn't you get me out of this when I actually wanted out?"

And with the tenderness of an all-knowing and ever-loving God, He said, "I needed someone to stay."  No pat on the back, no sticker in my book, no "well done thou good and faithful servant."  Just the acknowledgement that I had done what He wanted me to do.

I fantasized as a child about being some great missionary doctor, holding crusades in Africa where thousands were miraculously healed by the power invested in my hands.  But when the reality of God's call set in, I knew immediately and completely what God wanted me to do.  He wanted me to be a pastor.  But it went beyond that.  I knew in my heart that I would be raised up under my Dad's ministry, work with him in a church, and eventually succeed him as pastor.  That's when I was twelve.  At twenty-three, that vision was fulfilled.  After twenty months of serving in ministry with my dad, our district asked him to take over a church in a really bad situation, I became the pastor of my home church.

It was a great experience.  We had revival for four years.  But before I ever became the pastor of my first church, God had shown me another church and told me I would pastor there.  So when the time came for transition, I was ready.  I knew what I was supposed to do.  I made a couple of phone calls, submitted a resume, preached my heart out to a wonderful group of Pentecostal patriarchs, and found myself elected to what I thought was going to be another wave of revival in a new place.  That could not have been farther from the truth.

Without going into detail, let me summarize by saying that my second church died on my watch.  Literally.  I sent some of the sweetest saints I've ever known to heaven, and watch many of the best folks I've ever pastored move off to live with their kids.  I was heartbroken, devastated, shell shocked.  And after two years of that, with a church in shambles and me thinking my ministry was a complete and utter failure, I got my resume together and started looking for places to send it.  But God wouldn't let me.  It's not that He told me no, exactly.  But every time I had the perfect place picked out for my future, I would get an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.  If I didn't respond, uneasiness turned to queasiness, and if that still didn't get my attention, I would wind up in bed for days wrestling with gut-wrenching illness...until I tore up my resume and renewed my commitment to stay.

For five years, I begged God to let me leave that church, but God's only answer was ever, "Stay.  You can't leave."  Finally, one day in great desperation, I spouted off to the Lord, "Fine, I'll stay!  But you have to tell me why."  Let me tell you something I've learned from repeated personal experience, if you're going to ask the Almighty for His reason, you better be prepared to accept it.  With the tenderness of an all-knowing and ever-loving God, He said, "I need someone who will stay."  Staying with things, that's me alright.  I was down on my knees in the dirt of my front yard pulling weeds in hopes that one day grass would grow (it never did).  I bowed my dirty, tear-streaked face and nodded my head in quiet submission.  And I stayed.

Two years later, things had turned around.  The church was growing again, the finances were good, new leadership had been raised up.  I was looking forward to a long and fruitful ministry there.  And that's when God said, "Okay, now you can leave."  So I did.

It was easy to let go.  I had done what God put me there to do.  And while we were rebuilding a congregation, God had been preparing me for what was next.  By then I had spent thirteen years in full-time pastoral ministry.  I was starting to get the hang of it.  I was finally figuring things out.  But God really messed with me that day in the dirt.  I agreed to stay when I wanted to leave, but God started that day to prepare me for the next phase of ministry--the evangelistic field.

"No way," was my first response.  And I had good reasons.  I don't like driving that much.  I don't like being cooped in a car that much.  I don't like being alone that much.  I like seeing the same faces of a familiar crowd Sunday after Sunday.  I like my own house and my own bed.  I don't want to live out of a suitcase in a hotel room.  I spent a year making excuses, and when I got to the end of my reasoning with God, He asked me, "And are you going to go anyway?"

Your already know my answer.

I could tell you many more stories.  I could tell you that I spent three years traveling the length and breadth of this nation, preaching in all kinds of churches in all kinds of places, and I saw some good results.  During that time I walked through one of the darkest periods of my life, but did so with the light of God on my face and came through better off for my faithfulness to God and His Word.  A couple of churches wanted me to be their pastor, but as kindly as I could I told them no.  I knew I was doing what I was supposed to do.  Then the day came when I knew God was preparing me for what was next, to pastor again.  I was praying about where and when and how, thinking I might be better off to start a church where I was living, when one morning He wakes me up and His direction was clear.  After two years of telling a particular church, "No," I was able to pick up the phone, dial the number, and tell them that God's answer was finally, "Yes," and so was mine.

I could tell you that after a year and a half, God released me from that assignment, but I was so ingrained to stay that I failed to listen and respond immediately.  I could not accept that after only eighteen months God was finished with me there.  A year later, a missionary who I greatly respect gave me a prophetic word, not just about the church, but also about a personal matter in my life.  It confirmed what God had been trying to tell me in both cases.  I said, "Yes" to the first and resigned my church.  I had to spend another twelve very frustrated months wrestling with the other matter until I was finally ready to give that up as well.  And all the while I was hesitating to respond to God's direction, my life was in a holding pattern, circling the runway and circling again, and again, and again.  Nothing was working out.  Nothing was going right.

Until I said, "Yes."

One more story, and then I'm done.  It was during those twelve months of waiting that I began preaching at this little church in East Texas.  I was just pulpit supply, ministering occasionally to this congregation because a friend had recommended me, trying to be a blessing to them while they searched for their new pastor.  On day one, they asked me to stay.  And I said, "No."  God hadn't said anything to me about pastoring them.  I preached there again, and they asked me to stay.  And I said, "No."  I still hadn't heard from God.  The third time I preached there, I was convinced it would be my last because they had selected a pastoral candidate to be voted upon.  I would never see those people again.  I wasn't happy about that, but I was happy they were getting a good pastor.  And then God began to deal with me about that church.  He began to fill my heart with words for them, messages they needed to hear.  He gave me a heart for them, and I kept reminding God, "They're about to have a pastor."  I shouldn't have been surprised when they called me again.  They hadn't elected a pastor.  They needed someone to come preach.  Was I available?

"Yes."

That answer changed my life.  I was elected by unanimous consent to a permanent term of office, the first time in my life for both.  Within days, all of the prayers I had been praying, the petitions I had been making, began to be answered.  I let go of my dreams for one way of life, and found God's blessing shining clearly upon another.  I said "Yes" to Lord, and I've never been happier.