The Real Tragedy

Lots of people are talking about the tragedy of Tyler Clementi. And since I'm usually pretty vocal about stuff going on, some might be wondering if I have anything to say about it. Actually, I do, and I've held off for several days trying to get my thoughts into words. And when everything is said and done, I may have everybody mad at me and throwing firebrands from the right and the other side of this issue. But this is what I think...

I think Tyler's death is a tragic loss. I think it is regrettable. Lamentable. Pitiable. I also think it was avoidable.

For those of you who don't know the story, let me sum it up. Admittedly, I didn't know him, and I don't know anything about the situation other than what has been publicized by the media. Tyler was a student at Rutgers University, talented, popular, intelligent. Tyler was also gay. Tyler's roommate used a hidden camera to record Tyler in flagrante dilecto with another man, then uploaded the recording to the Internet. After which, Tyler tweeted a despairing farewell to the world, took his life in his own hands, and jumped.

Now Tyler's family, and our society, is looking for someone to blame.

I think suicide is the last act of a confused mind, and solves no one's problems. I also know that it is too complicated an issue to pin the blame upon any one person, much less charge someone with a crime because of it. Nobody told Tyler to kill himself. Nobody drove Tyler to that bridge. Nobody forced Tyler over the railing and onto the edge. Nobody pushed Tyler into the river. Tyler took his life in his own hands, and only Tyler will ever know why. And yet there are alot of people who want someone to pay for what Tyler did.

The most notable solution suggested is that the two students responsible for making Tyler's private act a public spectacle be charged with his death. I don't agree. I think they should be charged with the crimes they committed against Tyler's privacy and against his person, and prosecuted under the law. But they should not be punished for something in which they had no say...

Anymore than the cheating husband can be charged with murder because his loyal wife couldn't bear his infidelity one more day.

Or the daughter whose own personal tragedy sent her father into a depression so deep he could not escape it.

Or the investigators whose discoveries drove a frightened man into a desperate act.

Or the wife who left her husband and wouldn't return his phone calls.

All instances of suicide with which I am personally acquainted.

If you want to blame somebody, blame this kid's friends...the ones he didn't feel he could turn to when he was unexpectedly outed. Or blame the parents...who apparently didn't provide enough love for him to find shelter with them. Or blame the Internet and its lack of regulation which allows anything to be uploaded by anyone anywhere. Or blame the makers of the tiny camera, the technology which made this all possible.

You see what a wide net could be cast...

The real tragedy is that Tyler felt he had no other option. He had so little belief in himself--or anything bigger--and was so embarrassed and humiliated by the exposure of his privacy, that his personal choices led him down a sad, regrettable, unfortunate, and ultimately avoidable path.