Stand Up

There seems to be a sudden rash of bullying-induced suicides being reported in the media. I don't believe there is more bullying going on. I don't believe there are more suicides happening. I just think the media is focusing more attention on them at this particular time. That being said, I'd like to weigh in with a personal story.

I was never a rough-and-tumble little boy. I didn't care for sports. I didn't fight or compete or cuss or chew the way most guys did when I was growing up. I was smart. I was creative and talented. I took art and music and choir and creative writing and piano. I didn't take shop or ag; of course, I never took home ec either. I wrote stories, composed songs, penned poems. My closest friends were almost always girls when I was growing up. I was a good kid. I combed my hair and wore nice clothes. I cried.

And there were times that I was called ugly names. Like queer and fag and homo. Most creative of all were those smart guys who changed the first letter of my name and called me "Gasey". I suspect that most of the people who participated in those little rituals of adolescent behavior were really trying to compensate for their own inferiorities.

Now first of all, I wasn't gay, and being called gay didn't make me want to be. I've always liked girls. Alot. Which is why I preferred their company to those rough and tumble bullies who got off trying to pound me with the dodge ball. And I have to admit that being called names like that hurt my feelings. I don't remember spending alot of time crying over, sulking, nursing depression over it. I do seem to remember having some rather clever comebacks.

I never thought about killing myself over what other people thought of me.

And I've never really thought about why not until now. But I know why.

It's because my identity has never been in what other people thought of me. My parents raised me with a good bit of confidence and self-esteem. They never put me down, made fun of me, or called me names. They encouraged me, they supported my endeavors, they talked openly and honestly to me about all kinds of subjects. They also loved me unconditionally and demonstrated it to me in multiple ways.

Most importantly, the led me into a wonderful relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.

The problem in our society is not bullying or name calling. As I have recently experienced on Facebook (for those of you following me there), grown adults can still be pretty vicious when they don't like you. If you don't believe me, go into a world of strangers and start expressing yourself. See what happens.

The problem is not "other people". You cannot make "other people" like you. You cannot make "other people" stop saying mean things. You cannot make "other people" keep their opinions to themselves. But you can do something about YOU, and your response to THEM.

We're running around trying to put a stop to the name calling, instead of teaching our society the kindergarten adage "sticks and stones"...which I seem to remember my teachers telling me when I was called some pretty ugly names. No one got in trouble for name calling when I was a kid.

You can ignore "other people". You can turn a deaf ear to their words. You can shrug it off, or laugh it off. You can comeback with some witty reparte of your own. If you really don't like what someone is saying, you can always introduce the end of their nose to the flatside of your fist--if you must. Of course, this last one could have consequences of its own.

I'm not advocating violence, or repaying evil with evil. What I am advocating is that people take responsibility for their lives, their identities and their actions. Quit blaming other people and start taking a stand for yourself. I don't care who you are or what you're doing. If you're a Christian, stand up and be counted. You're living in a world where you are a hated minority, but don't let that stop you from representing Jesus. If you're a democrat, a lesbian, an atheist, don't be put down by people who don't like you. If you believe yourself to be right in what you are, go ahead and be proud of it. Don't let people calling you a liberal drive you to insane acts of self destruction.

Of course, the kind of confidence I have, the kind of self-esteem I'm talking about, isn't manufactured. It is instilled from birth by loving parents. Some of you may have to find it on your own, as grown adults. It's gonna mean putting the past behind you and pressing on. But if you are a parent, you have a precious opportunity to make sure you instill confidence in your children by loving them and encouraging them that they are worth more than a long walk off a short pier.