Hear My Heart

A Psalm of Casey

I was your friend, and I thought you were mine.
I wanted to be your friend, and I wanted you to be mine.
If a man wants friends he must show himself friendly,
And from the first day we met that is the only way I ever tried to be.
We embraced as brothers at every occasion.
We ate at table together, you in my house and me in yours.
We traveled the same road together from time to time.
We never had a disagreeable moment, nor a disagreement, and yet

When you chose a different path, I wondered.
But you left me in doubt.
When you spoke with different words, I questioned.
But you left me unanswered.
When you sat with different friends, I tried.
But you left me to sit alone.
When you abandoned me, I prayed.
And you never knew the intercessions I made, the tears I cried.

I hungered and thirsted for the same things as you.
I wished to hear and understand your heart.
I wanted to know where you were going.
I longed to catch sight of what you sought.
I desired to give you my help and my strength.
I yearned to offer my wisdom and my gifts.
I hoped to lend my heart to your cause.
I tried to come along side, but you left me behind without a backward glance.

When I was in need, I asked for your help.
You abused me instead and took the side of my enemy against me,
You surprised me, until I found you had done it before to better men than me.
When I looked for ways to support you,
To strengthen you and hold up your arms,
I found what I was not looking for and learned what I did not wish to know.
I carried the burden, I shouldered the load,
And you never knew, nor did you need to. It was mine to bear, and I was glad.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
And deceitful the kisses of an enemy.
To me I am the one and you the other; to you I am one and you the other.
What I offered you did not want. What I gave you rejected as naught.
You did not heed me, nor did you care to inquire of me.
You heard the words, but not the heart,
And now you think I have launched the firebrands and arrows of death.
But I have not.

Now fellowship is broken and relationship is gone.
I hear what you say, but your silence is deafening.
I see how you stiffen when I am around.
I feel the looks even when you’re not looking.
You don’t have to pretend with me anymore, I know exactly how you feel.
You feel betrayed by your friend, who became your enemy,
And you don’t even know why.
I feel the same way, and don’t even know why.

You listened to those who did not know me,

and accused me without cause.

You threatened me and demanded of me,

and never asked what you needed to know.

You were brutal and harsh when you needn't have been.

I would have told you everything, had you just been my friend.

Even now, I think you would isolate and deprive me,

but the walls that you build confine only you.

A brother offended is harder to win than any strong city.
What you want me to say would be a lie upon my lips.
But this I say: You heard my words, but not my heart.
What you thought you heard was not what was truly said.
You listened to deceitful kisses and honeyed lies,
You followed sedition and seduction where I could not go.
You did not see me for who I really was, but rather saw me as what you feared.
You did not know it, but you needed me, and yet I call to you from here.

You are my friend; let me be yours again.