Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Colossians 3:18-21, NKJV
I'm sure there is a perfect family somewhere. In some far off distant place to which I've never been, there has to be a husband who loves his wife perfectly, and that same wife selflessly surrenders complete authority to her husband and trusts his leadership in all things. These two faultless, blemishless people have produced the most well-behaved children the world has ever known, children who are always polite and obedient, and most of all quiet and still when they need to be. The correction is seldom because the instruction has been flawless and taken to heart. This family is the model family, on display for the rest of us to pattern ourselves after. I'm certain they exist.
I've just never met them.
Before I was married, before I had three wonderful if rambunctious sons, before I had all this responsibility of provision and protection, I thought I had it all figured out. I was determined that "my children will never..." My family was going to be the model family. My kids were going to be the best kids in the world. The only problem with my ambition is that I was not then, never have been, nor never will be a perfect man. And as much as I love and appreciate the queen of my home, my precious gift of comparable partner that God sent my way, she isn't perfect either. So two imperfect people got together and had the bright idea of bringing three imperfections into the world.
Honestly, there are some days when we look at each other, and at least one of us will express what we are both thinking: whose idea was this anyway?
We're doing the best we can. We love God and keep him at the center of our lives, home, and family. We teach our children to love Him and to love each other, to do what is right and abstain from what is wrong. They are six, three, and one, and adorable cherubs, especially when they sleep. They are good kids, overall, for the most part, well, when they remember what they've been taught. But they also experience a lot of correction. Which some might take to mean that they are not-so-good-kids. But as their father I can say, I have good kids. I just keep reminding myself and my wife of that. We have good kids. Mostly, I simply refuse to have bad kids. They are going to toe the line. Or else.
That's the way I was raised, by two Godly though imperfect parents. They taught me right. They disciplined me when necessary. They defended me always. They showed me the way to live closely to Christ. My Dad loved my Mother for twenty-nine years until his death. And Mom loved him, still does for that matter. Dad loved, Mom submitted, and I obeyed...or else. There were many lessons that were hard learned, but all in all, I think they did a pretty good job with my raising. And from everything I've seen and heard, my wife's parents did a great job with their one and only daughter.
I'm not going to air any dirty laundry here today, but suffice it to say that, as good a job as our parents did raising us in the training and admonition of the Lord, they still managed to produce imperfect children who made their share of mistakes. We grew up, we made choices for ourselves, we stepped out of line from time to time--hopefully when the folks weren't looking. We've experienced our share of messes, paid the price, suffered the consequences...and in all things we've watched the grace of God at work, turning our messes into messages, our trials into triumphs, and our tests into testimonies. We are living examples of God working all things together for our good, because we love Him and are called according to His purpose.
But I know that not all families can say the same.
There are pastors, like our parents, who raised their children in the training and admonition of the Lord, only to see those children turn their backs on their upbringing and walk away. They've tried to instill their faith in the hearts and minds of their children, only to see those children reject everything they've been taught and pursue other philosophies that never satisfy. They've tried to live holy and godly lives before their children, only to see their own mistakes and missteps magnified in the unholy and ungodly choices of those very children they've tried to raise.
It's easy to point to the wayward son or daughter and shame shame shame the parents. It's easy to point to the kid with the DUI, the pregnant teenager, the student expelled for fighting on the playground, the mischief maker caught stealing watermelons or spray painting their name on the gymnasium wall, and say, "It's all the parents' fault. If those people had done a better job raising those kids, those kids wouldn't have gotten in trouble." It's easy to say that. Unless you know how hard those parents prayed that their children would turn out right. Unless you know how much effort those parents put into discipling and disciplining their kids. Unless you know how committed they were to doing right and teaching right and showing their kids the right way. Unless you know how heart-broken they are now, because their kids went astray.
Of course parents make mistakes. I know I've made plenty, and that's a bitter pill to swallow considering all the condemnation I have heaped upon parents in the past because of the poor choices made by their offspring. Of course they don't do everything exactly perfectly right. Who does? And even if we could, even if we did, let us keep in mind that a perfect God made two perfect people and put them in a perfect world...and those two still managed to make the wrong choices and mess everything up.
Parents, trust yourselves and your children to God. Do the best you can with the children you've been given while you have them in your care. Recognize your faults, correct your failures, show them the way of grace, and mercy, and love, and truth. Pray hard. Teach them right. Quit kicking yourself around for what your kids chose to do. Believe for the best, love them through the worst.
And as for those with expectations of perfection, lighten up, live by grace, and let others do the same. If you haven't experienced the horrors of children who break your heart, be thankful, but be prepared. It has happened to the very best of parents, it could also happen to you.
I guess I have finally come to the realization that the responsibilities of parenthood are in the raising, not necessarily in the results. That's why I pray every day, God help me to do right by my boys, to keep improving until my bad is good, my good is better, and my better is best.
